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A rant about cancer, life, and idiots...

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  • A rant about cancer, life, and idiots...

    You ever have one of those days where you feel like the best thing a person deserves is to be duct taped in the middle of a parking lot, doused in gasoline and set on fire? I did.

    Let me back up a bit.

    A couple years ago, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. A Stage 2 non-invasive ductile carcinoma. Sounded scary, but was actually one of the better scenarios as far as breast cancer goes. A simple lumpectomy, radiation treatments, and hormone thereapy. No chemotherapy. Tests showed that chemo would not have provided any significant benefit against the chance of recurrance. The lumpectomy was successful. No signs of cancer in the sentinel lymph node and the margins of the removed mass showed clear. She was given a diagnosis of cancer free.

    Fast forward two years.

    A routine mammogram last fall showed dense breast tissue, which is not uncommon, but she was scheduled to have another mammogram in the spring and would have a breast MRI to make sure no cancer was hiding in the dense tissue. The spring mammogram and breast MRI all came out clear. But the MRI showed a fluid build up around the outside of the lungs in the pleural area, or in med-speak, a pleural effusion. So the oncologist scheduled her for a chest CT. The chest CT did not come out good. It showed two lesions on the surface of her lungs. A thorocentisis was done, in which they withdrew 16 oz of fluid from around her right lung. Tests on the fluid revealed there were malignant cells in it. The breast cancer had metastisized and spread to the lung.

    This took us completely by surprise. So now my wife's chemo oncologist orders the placement of a port-a-cath and she is to start chemothereapy to try and halt the growth and shrink the tumors/lesions. Her first chemo treatment was three weeks ago, and she started losing her hair around the 14 day mark. We were told it would happen, so we prepared for it.

    Last Saturday, she made the decision to just shave her head as her hair was coming out in clumps and was basically lifeless. She said it reminded her of horse hair. It tore me up to do it, but it's just hair, and I know it will grow back after the chemo treatments are done. She is still beautiful to me.

    So she shows up to work on Monday with a head scarf on. She works for an oral surgeon, and with the exception of the doctor, all the staff at that particular office is female. They all reassure her that she still looks good and even comment on how nice her head scarf is.

    She goes to work Tuesday feeling good about everything. Until the CFO, also the human resources manager, and a partner in the practice, shows up. This is the fine upstanding individual I reffered to in the first paragraph. My wife comes out of a surgery room, he turns around and commences to pointing and laughing at her, and make the snide comment "I hope you have a different scarf for every day of the week," and turns around and walks out of the office.

    She spent her lunch hour crying in her car, and the next hour after that as well. The rest of the girls on the staff covered for her during this time.

    She came home and told me this story. I've been mad before. I've been downright outraged. Nothing compares to the way I feel now. This is how it must feel when people talk about "murder in your heart." This idiot showed absolutely no compassion whatsoever. Not that he is required to, but he should at least show respect for what my wife is facing.

    It's hard to let go of. I want him to pay for what he did. But, let go of it is what I will do. For now. Because focusing on negative shit like that is the last thing my wife needs right now. Because through this whole ordeal so far, she has remained postive and is determined to win her second round with the beast.

    I wish we had the means so she could up and walk out on her job. I mean, she could, but it would mean losing the house. Which at this point wouldn't hurt my feelings any condsidering what has happened to my neighborhood lately.

    So there's the rant about the idiot. My rant about cancer? It sucks. What else can you say? Life? It throws you a curve ball every now and then, but you keep swinging. Maybe we'll get that homerun that we need.

    That's all I have for now. Thanks for letting me rant.
    "Hey Cancer, Téigh trasna ort féin!" - Saying on one of Jackie's pink t-shirts.

  • #2
    Rant on hooligan! I hope everything works out for you and your wife. That guy will hopefully get his.Try your best to ley it go. Although its easy for me to say I am not in your shoes. Don't let this JERKOFF ruin the progress your wife is making.She needs you to be strong for her. Don't crack and hopefully she will follow.Good luck bro and rant on all you need if it makes you feel better.



    • #3
      What a worthless piece of shit, I just don't see how people cannot put there self in other peoples shoes. I know it's easier said than done but, don't stoop to his level, karma will someday. Praying for you and your wife.


      • #4
        Words can't express how bad this person is? Did he know about your wife's condition? If so I'd certainly chip in for the gas...

        Cancer has shown up 5 times around me in just the last 12 months, I really feel for you both, prayers and good luck !

        Last edited by johns-bikes; 08-01-2013, 03:57 AM. Reason: Typos, dilly ipad..
        "Doubt can only be removed by action" - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

        Ducati 1200 Multistrada S, WR450F dirt squirt, 06 FZ1-N, with S fairing in Fastest Yellow, now for sale, will be missed..


        • #5
          Sue the bastard.

          Having to deal with lawyers for several years is FAR more painful than immolation.
          88 FZR400
          90 FZR/YZF600 Track bike
          93 FZR600 (Rescue Adoption - recovering in garage)
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          • #6
            I know what you're going through. My wife has been battling a metastasized breast cancer (lungs, chest, chestbone) for about one and a half year and after that the battle continued for several years in piecing our life back together. My wife underwent amputation, chemo's, bone marrow transplantation, the works.
            And yes, we've experienced our fair share of douchebags, even in the medical department of things.

            I've had "a few" of those moments you've experienced and then some....
            The anger is for the most part related to what you're going through right now. You feel powerless in a way and want to strike out, just to regain some control, some sense of being in charge of what's happening.
            After a while you learn the anger (no matter how understandable) is not helping you at all. It drains the energy you need to get through what's happening right now. It will also make it that much harder to make all the decisions and judgement calls you may need to take.
            Be there for your wife, take every effort in not showing her what's boiling inside you, as she won't understand any of that and let that anger subside in the willpower to get through this ordeal.

            For me and my wife it's been 20 years now..... She's made a remarkable recovery, even though the odds at her surviving at one point were deemed less than 5 %.

            One bit of advice: you will be there for your wife and everyone else nearby (relatives, friends and so on) as I'm sure you will.
            But make sure there's someone around YOU can turn to for that much needed bit of support, maybe even vent some of that anger to.
            Sometimes you just gotta say....kiss my tooches....


            • #7
              My heart and prayers go out to you both, and you are a much better man than I am. I am fairly certain that I would not be able to contain myself from beating the shit out of that worthless oxygen stealing ****face. Makes me absolutely sick to my stomach hearing that. I hope that karma strikes hard. Rant on friend, it helps to vent.

              "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

              2009 Kawasaki Concours 14
              2001 Yamaha WR426F
              2001 Yamaha TTR125L
              1984 Yamaha FJ1100
              1979 Yamaha XS1100


              • #8
                My wife just finished chemo and radiation therapy for breast cancer earlier this year and I feel your pain. Luckily (AFAIK) she didn't have to endure idiots like your wife encountered and everyone had been very supportive. For a woman, losing their hair is often just as traumatic as the the treatments and for someone, much less an educated adult, to point and laugh is just incomprehensible. I would have come unglued. Karma is a bitch though and he some doom and gloom in his future.

                I hope everything turns out ok for you and your wife. It's a tough row to hoe but hang in there and we all have your back if you need anything.

                2016 BMW S1000XR
                2009 Honda XR650L
                Humble yourself, or life will do it for you.


                • #9
                  Prayers for you and your family.
                  2002 Toyota Tundra


                  • #10
                    Thoughts and prayers go out to you, your wife and your family. Cancer is the one thing that has made me question my faith. How could anything so terrible be a part of 'his plan.' None-the-less, keeping things positive is the best thing you can do.

                    As for the A-Hole, unfortunately there is nothing we can do about idiots like that. I like to believe and I hope that "Karma" actually exists and A-holes like that eventually get their due.


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Tom Renda View Post
                      Sue the bastard.

                      Having to deal with lawyers for several years is FAR more painful than immolation.
                      I'm with Tom. The guy is an HR exec for crying out loud! Aside from his obvious human decency deficiency, (apparently he has none) he should know that what he did is actionable from a professional standpoint. As a claims adjuster, I have seen plenty of lawsuits filed for far less egregious things.

                      The guy committed the following offenses in legal terms.

                      1) Negligent and intentional infliction of emotional distress.
                      2) Hostile work environment.

                      (intentional infliction is a bad one to allege, it is not covered by commercial general liability policies).

                      How am I doing so far Tom? Always wanted to be lawyer....

                      My thoughts and prayers to your wife for strength and healing. Also, If you need help, I will be happy to bring 10 rolls of duct tape and a can of gas...
                      With experience of a tortured youth, we turn up the music and go in search of the truth.

                      Wise man said - "Don't go bagger too soon".

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                      • #12
                        So sorry to hear what your wife and you are going through.
                        Don't let one insensitive asshat set you back. Besides at today's prices, he's not worth half a gallon.


                        • #13
                          Positive thoughts sent your way. Forget that ass and his stupidity.


                          • #14
                            Can't do much other than say sorry. There are some real morons out there.

                            As an HR representative, he should have known better. I say report him.
                            '01 FZ1 set up for distance
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                            (both in the *faster* blue)

                            Which would you prefer?


                            • #15
                              I'm really sorry to hear about what you and your wife are going through. That sucks in a very massive way. Like everyone else, my thoughts are with you.

                              I'm sure the idiot CFO didn't mean to be so insensitive, he was just completely thoughtless, which is surprising given his position. Nothing you can do but let it go.

                              I'm wondering if a simple email to either him or the CEO asking for a bit of sensitivity around the whole issue might be very effective.