Thread for life’s vexing problems

[Stella Blue]

Do we already have a thread for this topic? If so, I apologize. Please point me in the right direction.

I’m kind of imagining this as a place to present questions that vex people. You know, stuff like:

After hundreds of years of existence of tin cans, why does it seem impossible to get a decent can opener that will last more than a couple years?

Why is it possible to lose yer ass in a financial deal, but nobody ever loses their gut, especially me.

Speaking of losing ones ass, why do old white men lose their asses when we get old?

Is it possible to buy jeans that complement one’s non-ass? My jeans are comfy as all get out, but I worry people might suspect I’ve shat me self.

[LiquidSilver]

"Speaking of losing ones ass, why do old white men lose their asses when we get old?"

Because we spend a lifetime working our asses off.

[Wlfman]

My can opener is 20+ years old....

[Stella Blue]

My can opener is 20+ years old....

My can openers have never come close to 29 years. Except my Swiss Army knife and my other little folding dinky camping one. What kind do you have?

[Stella Blue]

"Speaking of losing ones ass, why do old white men lose their asses when we get old?"

Because we spend a lifetime working our asses off.

I know, right? But why doesn’t it work on bellies? Why does it just work on asses?

[sloowpoke]

After hundreds of years of existence of tin cans, why does it seem impossible to get a decent can opener that will last more than a couple years?

My walmart el cheapo can opener is still working just fine. I bought it back in 1989, when I moved back to the states.

Why is it possible to lose yer ass in a financial deal, but nobody ever loses their gut, especially me.

Speaking of losing ones ass, why do old white men lose their asses when we get old?

Is it possible to buy jeans that complement one’s non-ass? My jeans are comfy as all get out, but I worry people might suspect I’ve shat me self.

It sounds like you have neglected doing your daily motorcyclist exercises. Two particular exercises would have restrained the gut and prevented the loss of ass muscles.

The motorcyclist requires greater torso(core) strength and endurance than most other lifestyles. This can be ensured by doing bent legged situps, without anything to hold your feet down. You are forced to coordinate your torso muscles to curl your back up instead of using your thigh muscles to raise your torso. You should work up to doing at least 3 sets of 50 situps every day, averaging less than 5 seconds per situp.

For the ass muscles, find a tall building (or gym that has a StairMaster) and start climbing the stairs. A full hour of stair climbing daily will soon restore that ass so you once again won't care how poor the padding of your motorcycle seat is. Once you have grown an ass again, then you can resort to continuously stepping up and down on an 8" concrete block, while watching the evening news in your living room, to maintain your ass. Don't bother buying a stair stepping machine, unless you have the room for your own StairMaster. I've purchased, broke and returned for a refund, many different brands and styles of stair stepping machines. None of them even held up for the first time use. A concrete building block is just as durable as a StairMaster, but costs about 5 thousand dollers less and is a lot easier to shove out of the way when you need more room for something.